Life: A Spencer Reid Fanfic
by MScott7565
Summary: Spencer and Delilah are happily married and compatable in every way except one: she wants a child and he doesn't. When Delilah discovers she's pregnant, she panics. Will she or will she not keep the baby? How will Spencer react? Stand alone fic.
1. Chapter 1 Delilah's Dilemma

Chapter One

(Spring 2016.)

Pregnant.

Delilah felt as if the air had been sucked out of her body as she saw that one small, yet powerful word, staring back at her from the conbines of its white barrier. Pregnant, a dream she had long had, but never dared to hope for because it was an impossibility. It wasn't that she was _physically _unable to have a child because it was now apparent that she could. The reason she couldn't have a child was because her husband didn't want to have a family.

When Delilah married Spencer five years ago she knew full well that he had no desire to have a family. Between his demanding, dangerous career, lack of paternal guidance, and fear of passing schitzophrenia onto his offspring, Spencer made it very clear he absolutely could not bring a life into this world. Delilah accepted this because as much as she loved children and craved a family of her own, she loved him even more. As painful as it was to live a life without children, the idea of living with Spencer was too painful to even contemplate.

With the prospect of having a family firmly out of reach, Delilah threw herself into work, family, and friends. She was a social worker for the county and the dark, twisted debotchery she saw on a daily basis riveled the things Spencer encountered. Despite the overwhelming and depressing nature of her job at times, Delilah loved her job. She loved being able to make a difference in the lives of the children she worked with. Being with them and helping them was a way for her to heal the wounds of her own past.

Delilah's life had started out ordinarily enough. She was the oldest of two children, her sister Maggie five years her junior. Her parents, Zane and Isla Gifford, had been high school sweethearts whose eyes had only been for each other. Zane worked as a forest ranger and Isla was an artist and Sunday school teacher. Theirs had been a fun, simple, carefree lifestyle, devoted to the outdoors and each other.

The good times were not meant to last. Although it had been years, Delilah could still remember the day her life changed forever. She was eight years old at the time when her grandmother came into her room to tell her the devastating news. Their father had been killed that morning trying to rescue campers from a freak forest fire. And if that wasn't tragic enough, their mother had perished in the fire as well.

Isla was going to surprise her husband with a romantic picnic lunch, but ended up getting caught in the flames. Within a matter of minutes Delilah's family had been ripped apart and her childhood was essentially over. Delilah and her two and a half year old sister moved in with her grandparents, but life was never the same after that. Grandma and Grandpa were their paternal grandparents and the only family they had. Their maternal grandfather was killed in the Golf War and their maternal grandmother died of a heart attack four years later.

Their father was an only child, but their mother did have a younger sister, Phoebe. Their aunt was four years younger than their mother and they were extremely close. Unfortunately Phoebe was killed in a hit and run shortly after Maggie was born, so the only thing separating Delilah and Maggie from foster care were their elderly grandparents. Their lives went from constant fun and outdoor adventure to helping their grandmother care for their grandfather, who was in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease.

Delilah was fifteen years old when Grandpa passed away. Even though the disease had destroyed him towards the end, Delilah could still remember the kind, gentle man of her early childhood. Before the disease had taken hold, Paxton Gifford was a strong, robust man, passing his love of the outdoors onto his only son. That was how Delilah preferred to remember him: the maker of the warmest fires and the tastiest s'mores in history.

When Paxton passed away, Delilah's grandmother, Rosemary, was struggling with Diabetes and Arthritis. Even with medication, her blood sugar levels continued to fluctuate, often sending her to the hospital. The arthritis had knarled her hands and feet into a clawlike appearance, making even simple day-to-day tasks impossible. While other teenagers were partying with friends and loitering at the mall, Delilah divided her days between school, two part-time jobs, and caring for her family.

When Delilah started college, she chose a school close to home so she could continue living with her grandmother and younger sister. Even with social security, disability, and Paxton's pension, money was still tight so Delilah worked full time to help support the family and make it so her sister could finish growing up in the only home she had ever known. She also managed to attend school full-time year round and graduated four years later with her bachelor's and master's degree in Social Work. By this point, Rosemary was losing her sight and she was completely bedridden. It would have been easier to check her into a nursing home, but she couldn't bring herself to do that.

Fortunately Medicare allowed for two nurses to come to the home and help care for her. Although Delilah remained closely involved in her grandother's care, the nurse's involvement meant Maggie could be allowed to have some semblence of a life. Delilah didn't want her sister to surrender her childhood to become a caregiver like she had, so she made certain her sister had the childhood that had been taken from her. Maggie still liked to help care for her grandmother, but she also played sports, sang in the church choir, had friends, all the things Delilah couldn't but wanted to have.

Rosemary passed away a week after Maggie's high school graduation. After Maggie went away to college, Delilah sold the home and used the money to support her sister through college. Delilah didn't want Maggie to have to work as hard as she did, so the money from the house was used not just for tuition, but for living expenses as well. Maggie still worked during the summer though, showing the signs of hard work and independence so apparent in her older sister.

Maggie married her college sweetheart a week after her college graduation and the newlyweds decided to start their new life in Colorado. They used part of Maggie's trustfund to purchase a modest starter home and began their life as newlyweds. Maggie found a job as a third grade teacher and her husband, Mark, began working as a computer technician. Five years later the couple welcomed their daughter Megara and Delilah was thrilled to become an Aunt. It was difficult to have her only family so far away, but Delilah didn't begrudge her sister's desire to start fresh.

Delilah considered starting fresh as well, but just couldn't bring herself to make the change. Afterall, moving from San Diego to Sacremento had been traumatizing enough when she was a kid and she didn't want to go through that again. She thought she was going to spend the rest of her life in Sacremento until she met Spencer. They met in the fall of 2010 when the BAU was investigating the murders of foster children assigned to Delilah's caseload. At first Delilah was suspected of murdering the children, partly from being overwhelmed at the sheer volumn of children assigned to her, and also out of a desire to put them out of their misery.

Spencer believed in her right away and it was soon discovered the adult children of one of the families who perished in the fire was responsible. They blamed Zane for not getting to their parents in time and wanted to get revenge by destroying Delilah. Once the case was over, Spencer and Delilah kept in touch and were married in the summer of 2011. Their marriage had been absolute bliss and she loved him more than anything. For once, instead of being a primary caregiver she was now receiving love and attention.

Someone loved and cared about her and only her. Delilah told him how much she would like to be a mother someday, but Spencer made it clear he wanted no part of that. She decided to accept that and be happy with what she had, in spite of the growing hole in her heart. She loved Spencer and wanted to create the happy family with him she'd had when her parents were alive, but she didn't want to risk losing him. The child issue aside, the Reids were a happy, loving couple who supported each other's interests and took pride in each other's work.

Delilah stared at the pregnancy test for a little while longer before tossing it into the garbage can. She washed her hands and exited the bathroom, forcing herself out of her dreamworld and back into reality. She walked towards her desk and sat down at the computer. Within minutes she found what she was looking for and wrote down the address to plug into her GPS. She placed the piece of paper in her purse and walked over to her dresser to find something to wear.

Since it was the weekend, she was clad in only sweatpants and tanktop and didn't want to leave the house in such a sloppy manner. That compulsion stemmed from her childhood and the desire to always keep up appearances. If Delilah or Maggie ever left the house in sloppy clothes or their hair uncombed, there was the fear of someone discovering their grandparents weren't up to the task of caring for the girls and taking them away. After everything they had been through, they couldn't bear to lose their grandparents or each other. Even after all these years the need to always be "perfect" stuck firmly with her.

Delilah quickly changed into a knee length denim skirt and maroom cap sleeved top. She carried her morning clothes into the bathroom and threw them into the clothes hamper. She removed the clip from her hair and quickly ran a brush through it. Although she was turning thirty-five next month, she could still easily pass for twenty-nine or thirty easily. She stood at around 5'6 and had an hourglass figure.

She was fair complected with thick, shoulder length copper hair and a smattering of freckles along her nose and other places on her body. She had a warm, winsome smile and large, dark, chocolate brown eyes. Her eyes were the only indication of the arduous life she had lived, a window into the pool of intense emotions she liked to hide from the outside world. Maggie and Spencer were the only ones who saw through her, the only ones who cared enough to uncover the truth.

Once she was ready, Delilah picked up her purse, slipped on her shoes, and walked down the stairs. After giving her home a final once over, she walked out of the house, locked the door, and walked towards her car. She climbed into her much-loved Malibu and after plugging her destination, she drove off, crestfallen yet determined to follow through on her next course of action.


	2. Chapter 2 Delilah's Decision

Chapter Two

It was a short time later when Delilah pulled into the parking lot of Planned Parenthood. She turned off the car and sat back in her seat, her heart lodged in her throat. Although she knew this was the right decision, that didn't make going through with it any easier. After taking a deep breath and wiping the tears from her eyes, she forced herself out of the car. She kept her steps brisk, her head bowed and her eyes downcast in order to avoid the protesters lanted firmly only a few feet away.

She would rather join them than go inside, but this wasn't about her. She was here out of love for her husband and a desire to preserve the marriage and hold onto the man she loved and needed so much. Delilah opened the door and walked inside. When she lifted her head, she was surprised by what she saw. Although she knew that pregnancies were no longer terminated in alleys with a coathanger, she wasn't expecting the waiting room to look so...normal.

The walls were painted white and various posters with pertinent medical facts and statistics were posted carefully on each wall. Comfortable armchairs were pushed against the wall and a long table was positioned in the middle of the room displaying various magazines. There were smaller nightstand looking tables in two corners of the room, also holding reading material. Delilah approached the receptionist's desk, which had a sliding glass window separating the front desk from the waiting room. She rang a bell closeby and patiently waited until the receptionist looked up.

She was a petite, chipper, twenty-something blonde with an unyielding smile. At that moment Delilah couldn't imagine smiling. She wondered if she would ever smile again. As Delilah struggled to keep her emotions at bay, the young woman spoke.

"Hello, ma'am. How may I help you?" the young lady asked.

"Umm, hello, umm..." Delilah began, her knees wobbling and her composure starting to falter. "I..."

"Ma'am, it's alright, just take a deep breath and take your time," the girl said, smiling warmly at her. She was used to people of all sorts of emotional states approaching the front desk.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall apart like this...it's just that I've never been here before and..."

"I totally understand, ma'am. Everyone is nervous the first time they come here but I can assure you that this is a nonjudgemental environment and we are here to help you. Are you here to schedule the termination of a pregnancy?"

Delilah nodded and the receptionist handed her a clipboard with a small stack of paperwork securely fastened to it. Delilah murmured her thanks and sat down. It took what seemed like an eternity to fill out the forms, due to the fact she couldn't stop shaking and felt as if she were going to pass out. The feeling of nausea was equally intense and she just hoped she wouldn't vomit all over the paperwork. Eventually, though, the forms were completed and she walked back to the receptionist's window, handing them to her.

"Thank you, ma'am. Oh, I forgot to have you sign in," she said, pointing to the sign in sheet on the window ledge.

Delilah complied with the young woman's request and returned to her seat, waiting to be called. As she sat down, her cellphone rang. She pulled it out of her purse and noticed it was Spencer. The lump lodged in her throat burned and it was all she could do to keep from screaming. Instead, she answered the phone and held it to her ear.

"Hello, sweetheart. How are you?" she said, her voice remaining calm.

"Not too bad: just trying to save the world from one unsub at a time. How are you?" he asked, his warm, buttery velvet voice sweeping over her like a warm, soothing blanket. Delilah wanted nothing more than to blanket herself in his love and hide from the horrible thing she would have to do.

"I'm great now. I love hearing your voice. I'm just running some errends and trying to keep myself busy. Where are you?" Spencer had received a call in wee hours of Friday morning from Hotch, telling him to meet the team in the jet.

"Believe or not, love, Sacremento. An unsub is kidnapping women every three days before abandoning them in abandoned buildings in the area. I'm sure glad I took you away from here," he said, his tone now teasing.

"So am I," Delilah said, gripping her cellphone. "I would wish you luck in finding this person, but you don't need it because you are brilliant and you will uncover some hidden clue no one else thought to look for. The team is lucky to have you."

"Everyone on the team has something to offer, Dee Dee. Despite your protests to the contrary, I am not the end all, be all of the BAU. Each member of the team is just as important as the next. The only exception I can think of is Garcia because, well, she is Garcia."

Delilah giggled, unable to believe she was actually giggling, given her circumstances. This gave her the extra courage and solidified her belief she was doing the right thing. Spencer was her world and she would do anything to keep him. And by anything, she meant anything, including taking away the one thing she always wanted. She felt as if she were losing a piece of her heart, but Spencer had infiltrated her heart first.

She tried to rationalize it was better to lose part of her heart instead of all of it. At that moment, the door leading from the waiting room to the exam rooms opened and a tall, dark haired woman appeared. She was wearing dark blue scrubs and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She was holding a manilla chart in her hand and looked up.

"Delilah?" she called out, her voice low and soothing.

"Dee Dee, where are you?" Spencer asked, having heard the woman's voice.

"I...I have a doctor's appointment. It's nothing important, just my yearly physical."

"But your physical was two months ago," Spencer said, feelings of curiosity and concern building.

"I had my physical, but I still need my pelvic exam. My doctor had a lunch engagement and didn't have enough time to perform it," Delilah lied.

"But you did have a pelvic exam that day. You came home feeling sore, so I drew you a warm bath and gave you a heating pad afterwards," Spencer protesting, remember that day well and wondering why his wife was lying to him.

"I didn't have a pelvic exam, just a pap smear," Delilah countered, wondering why she thought she could lie to a genius.

"But..." Spencer protested.

"Delilah, the doctor is waiting for you," the medical assistant said, trying to hide her impatience. Although she was compassionate and understanding of her patients' dilemmas, she hated when they talked on their cellphones and delayed their appointmentm pushing everyone else's behind scheduled.

"Spencer, sweetheart, I would love to discuss this further with you, but I have to go. I'll call you later. I love you."

Before Spencer could utter another word, Delilah hung up and turned the phone off. She tucked it back into her purse and rose from her seat. After murming an apology to the obviously annoyed medical assistant, Delilah lowered her head and followed the young woman down the hall, feeling very much like a lamb to the slaughter house.


	3. Chapter 3 Options

Chapter Three

It was sometime later and Delilah was sitting in the exam room, her legs tightly crossed, her feet resting at an angle against each other. She was clad in a white paper exam gown, opening the back as requested by her medical assistant Angela. Delilah looked around the small room, which was beginning to feel more and more like prison, or even worse, the executioner's room. She thought that was an interesting choice of words, since technically this _was _an execution room. Her poor, sweet baby was being killed for the crime of daring to try to live.

Delilah rested her hand on her abdomen, trying to force those thoughts out of her head. She looked around the room while holding her gown closed with her other hand. The room was small with all of the appropriate medical equipment and informational posters. There were also plastic holders on the walls, containing pamphlets about a variety of things. She had one about Diabetes in her hands, but she wasn't reading it.

At the moment she was simply twisting it in her around in her hands, as if destroying the paper would make her feel better about destroying her baby. She swallowed back her emotions and set the pamphlet down, forcing herself to pull it together. If her life had taught her anything, it was crying didn't get you anywhere. When things became tough or an obstacle presented itself, she learned it was best to simply forge along, to find a solution, to face her demons and conquer them. Self pity had no place in her life and she chastized herself for wallowing in the feelings she usually did so well stiffling.

Her problem was a very simple one: her husband didn't want children, she was pregnant, and the only way to save her marriage and hold onto the husband she adored was to eliminate the pregnancy. Well, an inner voice asked, if everything was so simple and straight forward, why did she feel as though she had been thrown into the ocean with a weight shackled to her neck? Why did she feel as though she were being ripped apart from every possible direction, with no end in sight? If this solution was so right, why did she feel the need to lie to her husband? She forced those ideas out of her head while also feeling a tad worried about the fact that she was even hearing voices to begin with.

She didn't have long to wonder since at that moment the door opened. She quietly watched as a tall woman in a white lab coat entered the room. She was of Asian descent and appeared to be only about ten years older than her. The physician looked up from Delilah's chart and smiled warmly at her. She extended a well manicured hand towards Delilah and she accepted, giving a rather pathetic handshake.

"Hello, Mrs. Reid, I'm Dr. Ming Barrows. I understand you are here to discuss the possibility of ending your pregnancy," she said, freeing her hand so she could pull a chair with wheels towards the exam table. She sat down and looked at Delilah, patiently waiting for a response.

"Yes Dr. Barrows, that is correct. I have considered my options carefully and have decided ab...umm, not carrying this pregnancy to term would be my best option."

"I know you said you have considered your options, but let's go over them again just to make sure you are making the best possible decision. What are your reasons for wanting to terminate? I read in your history that you are married. What is your husband's opinion about this?"

"My husband and I have discussed this pregnancy at length and ultimately we feel that a child wouldn't fit into our lives. We both have demanding careers and what little free time we have we want to spend it together, alone, and not stretch ourselves thin by looking after a child," Delilah lied, hoping Dr. Barrows didn't notice.

"What is it that you and your husband do for a living, Mrs. Reid?" Dr. Barrows asked.

"My husband is an FBI agent and I am a social worker," Delilah replaced, surprised at the detatched tone of her voice. She felt as if she were describing other people, not herself and her husband.

"The FBI-my goodness that does sound exciting," Dr. Barrows replied, trying to set her patient at ease. "is his job as exciting as Hollywood says it is?"

"Spencer loves his job and he's wonderful at it. He's indispensible to his team and could solve all of their cases on his own, but of course he is too modest to admit it," Delilah said.

"I don't think your husband needs to admit anything when he has his own personal cheerleader," Dr. Barrows said with a smile. Delilah giggled and blushed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm sure working as a social worker is exciting, too. There's never a dull moment working with children is there?"

"That is an understatement. My work is challenging, but I love it. I love being able to make a difference in the life of a child," Delilah said, praying Dr. Barrows didn't notice the slight crack in her voice.

"I can tell that your work means the world to you. If you love being with children so much, may I ask why you wouldn't want to make a difference in the life of your own child?

"Like I said doctor, my husband and I are simply too busy to properly care for a child and we have both seen the consquences of bringing children into the world and not giving them the nurturing they need and deserve. The last thing the world needs is yet another unwanted child."

"Have you considered adoption? I know as a social worker you have seen the devastating effects of bringing unwanted children into the world, but you have also witnessed the tremendous joy adoption brings to the lives of not just the children, but the new parents as well."

"Pregnancy just isn't compatable with my line of work. Not only is my job stressful, but it can be dangerous at times as well. Part of my job is to visit the childrens' homes and there have been times I have been placed in precarious situations. The reason my husband and I even met in the first place was because his team was investigating the murders of children placed in my caseload. Two people were murdering children and almost killed me because of their irrational hatred of my father for something that was out of my control.

I cannot fall behind in my responsibilities to the children who are already born and so need my attention, yet I cannot carry a pregnancy to term and potentially place an unborn child at risk either. Besides, I think you and I have read enough newspapers and watched the news enough to know that not everyone who adopts a child does so with honorable intentions, and not every child given up for adoption goes through the legal channels to guarantee a safe, successful placement.

Besides, if I carried this pregnancy to term, we would face questions and opposition from our colleagues, friends, and family. Our loved ones would place pressure upon us to keep the child and that would create stress and drama that we simply do not need. My husband and I have discussed this carefully and we have decided termination is best. Once this...procedure is complete I would also like to discuss tubal ligation."

When Delilah uttered the last sentence she felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach. It was almost as if someone had pummeled their hand through her abdomen and ripped her fallopian tubes apart for her. Although she knew having a family wasn't an option for her, cementing that reality was more painful than she had anticipated. As Dr. Barrows spoke, however, Delilah plastered a smile on her face, not wanting her to discover the truth.

"Well, before we get to that point, why don't we verify that you are indeed pregnant. Sometimes home pregnancy tests aren't as effective as we tend to think that are," Dr. Barrows said.

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. Dr. Barrows gave permission for the person to enter and Angela stepped inside. She handed Dr. Barrows what appeared to be labwork and stood quietly beside the exam table. Dr. Barrows examined the documents before looking up.

"Well, according to your lab results, you are indeed pregnant Mrs. Reid. In fact, this pregnancy appears to be fairly early, so why don't we perform an exam and give you an ultrasound and take it from there?"

"A...alright," Delilah replied, what little moisture she had in her mouth quickly dissipating.

"Before we begin, however, I would like to go over your medical history, if you don't mind."

"Of course," Delilah replied, forcing a smile. Angela quietly left the room and returned within moments, handing her a plastic cup of water. Delilah quietly thanked her and took a sip, trying to hold her hand steady.

Dr. Barrows proceeded to ask Delilah all sorts of questions about her family history, as well as her own personal health. Delilah answered all of her questions, feeling herself float further and further away from her body. She hoped if she removed herself from her body she wouldn't fully feel the effects of her actions. She kept her detached composure throughout the interrigation, even when Dr. Barrows asked the question that had the potential to send her into a tailspin.

Dr. Barrows asked Delilah if she had ever been pregnant before. She hadn't been, but six months ago she and Spencer had a false alarm. Delilah had taken birth control pills ever since she was a teenager, not because she was sexually active of course, but to alieviate her painful menstrual cramps and to help with her blemishes. She had taken the pills faithfully and without incident, mostly because the only man she had ever been intimate with was Spencer.

In fact, she and Spencer had waited until their wedding night to consummate their love. Delilah wasn't religious, but her grandparents were traditional and passed on many of their beliefs onto their oldest granddaughter. For the first four and a half years of their marriage Delilah continued to take her pills and there was never an issue. Last fall, however, Delilah fell ill and needed to take antibiotics. Since antibiotics counteract birth control pills, they opted to also use condoms as a precaution.

Everything went well at first, but one night the condom broke. Spencer was in a panic and the next day, hurried off to purchase the morning after pill for Delilah as a precaution. The following week Delilah made an appointment with her primary physician, where a blood test was performed. The results came back negative and Spencer was incredibly relieved. Delilah almost expected him to start dancing around the exam room he was so happy.

She, however, felt empty, hollow, and in dispair. Although Spencer had told her several times he never wanted a family, she prayed that he would change his mind if something like this would happen. Spencer's reaction, however, firmly cemented what he had said all along and she was devastated. After their false alarm, Spencer refused to be intimate with again until she completed her round of antibiotics and the pill became effective again. Even after that, they had only made love sporatically since then.

In fact, it had been over a month since the last time Delilah and Spencer had been intimate and before then the last time was Valentine's Day. Delilah could feel Spencer pulling away from her and she couldn't allow that to happen. Spencer was all she had in the world; he was the one person that was just hers, the one person who loved her and only her and she couldn't lose that. She hoped that once this was taken care of she and Spencer could repair their marriage and become a happy couple again.

"Well, I think you have answered all of my questions, Mrs. Reid," Dr. Barrows said. "why don't we perform your physical and take it from there?"

Delilah nodded and closed her eyes, allowing herself to float away again as Dr. Barrows examined her. Angela offered to let Delilah hold her hand, but she declined. After a while, Dr. Barrows asked Angela to retrieve the ultrasound machine. Angela left the room and returned within minutes with the machine. Angela lifted Delilah's exam gown and Dr. Barrows squirted cold, blue gel onto her stomach.

She turned on the machine and began to move a wand against her skin. Delilah squeezed her eyes shut, unable to look at the screen. If she saw her precious baby, she knew she would lose her nerve and she simply couldn't do that. She was doing this for Spencer and she couldn't let her own selfish needs and desires get in the way of what was best for him. Dr. Barrows studied the monitor and finally spoke again.

"Well, it appears as though the fetus is at its fourth weeks of development. This is actually good news, since this leaves you with more options."

"What sort of options?" Delilah asked, knowing the options she so desired wasn't a possibility.

"Here, let me turn off the machine and we can discuss them," Dr. Barrows said, shutting off the ultrasound machine. She rose from her chair and retrieved some papertowel, which she handed to Delilah. Shed wiped the gel off of her stomach, curious about what Dr. Barrows would say next.


	4. Chapter 4 Choices

Chapter Four

"Since you are so early along in this pregnancy, you can opt to have the traditional aspiration abortion, otherwise known as vacuum aspiration. Aspiration is usually used up to sixteen weeks after a woman's last menstrual cycle and you are well under the sixteen week stage. You can also opt for the abortion pill, which is used for pregnancies that are less than nine weeks' gestation. The name of the pill is Mifepristone and it is effective in 97 out of 100 pregnancies."

"H...how does the pill work?" Delilah asked, having never even entertained the possibility of using a pill. She knew about traditional forms of abortion but hadn't read much about the pill.

"Using the abortion pill is a three step process. The first step is taking the abortion pill at the clinic. I will also give you antibiotics to start taking after the abortion pill. The abortion pill works by blocking progesterone, which is a hormone produced in the ovaries of women that is important in the regulation of puberty, menstruation, and pregnancy. Without progesterone, the lining of the uterus breaks down, and the pregnancy cannot continue.

The second step is taking a second medicine, Misoprostol, which will cause the uterus to empty. You will take the second medication up to three days after taking the abortion pill. Misoprostol will cause you to have cramos and bleed heavily. You may begin bleeding before taking the second medicine, but for the most part, the bleeding and cramping begins after taking it. It will usually last a few hours and you may see large blood clots or tissue at the time of the abortion.

More than half of women abort within four or five hours after taking the second medicine. For others, it takes longer, but most women abort within a few days. It is normal to have some bleeding or spotting for up to four weeks after the abortion. You may use sanitary pads or tampons, but using pads makes it easier to keep track of your bleeding.

For most women, medication abortion feels like an early miscarriage. It is normal for you to have bleeding and cramping. Other common side effects are dizziness, strong cramps, nausea or vomitting, diarrhea, temporary abdominal pain, and temporary mild fever or chills. You can take Acetaminophen or Ibuprofen, but no not take Asprin, which can thin your blood.

The third and final step is your follow up appointment. This is to determine that your abortion is complete and that you are feeling well. It will need to be made within two weeks and at that point we will perform an ultrasound or blood test."

Delilah simply nodded and bowed her head, quietly processing the wealth of information that was thrust upon her. She felt sick, lightheaded, and that no amount of detatching could ever truly make her feel better again

"Do you have any questions?" Dr. Barrows asked.

Delilah was silent for a few minutes, trying to force the words past the lump of emotion in her throat. When she felt able speak in a somewhat coherent fashion, she looked up, her eyes miraculously dry.

"When can we start?" she asked, feeling detached but resolved.

"Right now, if you would like," Dr. Barrows replied.

Delilah thought that was an odd choice of words, since there was nothing about this situation that she _liked_. She sat quietly as Angela left the room and came back with the pill, as well as more water. She handed Delilah the water and the pill to Dr. Barrows, who verified it was the correct one. After nodding her approval, Dr. Barrows handed the pill to Delilah. She held the pill between her fingers, eyeing as one would a rattlesnake on their bedroom floor.

Delilah tried to raise her hand to her mouth, but she just couldn't. She felt as if someone had anchored her hand to the exam table. She immediately chastized herself for her selfishness: this wasn't supposed to be about her. She was here for Spencer and had to remember that it was he that needed protection and consideration, not her. He had made his feelings abundently clear and her selfish desires had already driven a wedge between them.

If she didn't get her priorities in order, she would lose him and she couldn't let that happen. She looked at the pill one last time before slowly inching it to her lips. She forced another lump down her throat and placed the pill in her mouth. As she brought the cup to her mouth, she closed her eyes, her thoughts of course about the husband she so adored.

_'This is for you, Spencer,'_ she thought, taking a sip of water and letting the pill move down her throat.


	5. Chapter 5 Healing

Chapter Five

It was a few days later and Delilah was sleeping fitfully. It had been a week since her abortion and she felt as if had had died along with her baby. After leaving the clinic, she called her boss and asked if she could have the rest of the week off, citing illness. Her boss was gracious enough to agree and Delilah had spent most of her week off in bed. Everything happened just as Dr. Barrows said it would, but knowledge didn't make the reality of actions any easier to bear.

Three days after taking her first pill, Delilah took the second one. She took it in the morning and by lunchtime, the abortion was well under way. She was watering her plants when she doubled over with the most intense cramps she ever felt in her entire life. She sunk to the floor and remained in her kitchen, paralyzed with pain, dispair, and fear, powerless as she felt her maternal dreams disspell from her body. It was almost dinnertime when she felt as if she could move again.

She tightly gripped the countertop and forced herself to her feet, immediately feeling dizzy as soon as she was standing. She tightly gripped the counter, taking deep breaths as she tried to get her dizziness under control and curb her nausea. After what seemed like an eternity, Delilah was finally able to clean the mess she had made on the kitchen floor. It felt surreal to wipe away the evidence of her abortion, as if scouring her actions into oblivion. No matter how hard she scrubbed, no matter how much hot water or bleech she used, she knew she would never forget what she had done.

Nothing would ever erase the fact that she had murdered her sweet, innocent baby. To make matters worse, she couldn't even bring herself to look at the child she was going to kill. Her baby hadn't even been worthy of something as simple as eye contact. Once Delilah had tidied up the kitchen, she walked upstairs to the restroom to clean herself off. When she entered the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror, she was aghast at what she saw.

The front of her skirt was completely drenched in blood, as were her legs, as if she had had been stabbed. She honestly believed that a knife would have hurt less than what she had endured. She pulled off all her clothing and threw it in a garbage bag, knowing she would never want to wear those particular items ever again. She nearly crumbled into a hysterical heap when she removed her panties and discovered the clotted mess that had once been her baby. She opened the cabinet underneath the sink and pulled out her makeup box.

After spilling out the contents of the box, she replaced them with the remnents of her child. She may not have been able to bring him or her into the world, but the least she could do was give baby Reid a proper burial. After placing the box on the ledge of the sink and cleaning up the mess, she stepped into the shower so she could clean herself. She turned the water on full blast, as hot as it would come out. She stepped inside the shower and mechanically began washing, not even feeling the scalding water against her newly scarlet skin.

It wasn't long until what little strength left her body. She didn't know if it was from the hotness of the water, the events of the day, or a combination of the two, but before long she felt herself sinking onto the bathtub. She curled herself in the fetal position, letting the water continue its attack, its burning drops punishing her. Delilah didn't know how long she was in the shower, but it was long enough for the water to go from volcanic to arctic. She finally pulled herself up and turned off the water.

As if in a trace, she slipped on her robe and walked out of the bathroom, the garbage bag in one hand and the box in the other. She continued walking until she was walking out the sidedoor, located near the kitchen. After throwing the bag into the garbage can, she opened the gate that led into the backyard. She found her small gardening shovel and dug a space nestled in her rose bushes. She lowered the box into the hole and covered it with the dirt.

She hoped that her baby would find peace, the peace she herself would never have again. Everyday since the burial Delilah went to the grave to visit with her baby, wanting to show baby Reid in death the love she couldn't give him in life. She hoped one day they would be together again so she could apologize to her baby's face and assure him that he was loved. If only things had been different; if they were, she would have been able to give her baby the life he or she deserved.

The rest of the week was physical and emotional hell. She was suffering all of the side effects Dr. Barrows mentioned, compounded with feelings of isolation and crippling guilt. The abdominal pain and cramps were excrutiating and her jittery stomach couldn't even digest water. She hadn't eaten since before the termination of her pregnancy and she couldn't imagine finding food, or anything, appealing every again. Delilah had spent most of her morning in the restroom hunched over the toilet, wondering how she could possibly have anything left in her stomach _to _project.

The constant vomiting had left her throat sore and she could hardly speak. For the past two days she'd had a fever of 102.3 and the chills were unbelievable. She didn't know how the human body was capable of feeling both hot _and _cold. Although Dr. Barrows said she was allowed to take medication, she hadn't taken anything, including the antibiotics the doctor had prescribed. In a way, it almost felt good to suffer, since that proved she was still capable of feeling something.

To make matters worse, Spencer hadn't called much. Spencer claimed it was because the case was consumming all of his time, but she wasn't fooled. He was pulling away because her behavior had pushed him away. All she could do was tell herself that once he came home, everything would be different and they would be happy again. Delilah had told herself that so many times, she almost believed it. She had to believe it, because she simply couldn't face the alternative.

Delilah's sleep patterns had been irratic and non existant during that week. Whenever she would close her eyes, all she would see is blood everywhere. In her dreams she would run from one room of the house to the next, surrounded in blood. When she finally reached her bedroom, she was confronted by her bloody, lifeless baby, who would ask in a weak voice why she hadn't wanted her, why she hadn't fought for her. Afterall, mothers were supposed to love their children above all else, to give their lives for them if need be.

Instead, she had willingly relinquished her unborn baby's life in a desparate attempt to hold her marriage together. When she tried to tell her baby she loved her, the child drifted further and further apart, looking sadder and sadder. Although her pregnancy ended at four weeks, the baby in her dreams was a fully developed, albeit dying, infant. The child was a perfect combination of both Spencer and Delilah: she had Delilah's copper hair and freckles and the same pale skin as both her parents. What stunned Delilah the most was her daughter's eyes.

They were large and round like hers, but the coloring and expression was all Spencer. When the baby looked at her, she had the same kicked puppy expression as her father. In her dream, Delilah would extend her hand, trying to touch her baby and give her comfort. Instead, the baby drifted further and further away, her expression sadder and sadder. It was always at this point that Delilah woke up in a cold sweat screaming and tonight was no exception.

The only difference was this time when she screamed, she wasn't alone. This time, she was pulled into two very familiar, strong arms. She fell into his arms, shocked that her husband was home and horrified that he had found her in this condition. If he knew why she was screaming it would start a fight they just couldn't handle at this point. She allowed Spencer to hold her close, resting her head against his chest as he gently stroked her hair.

She could feel his heart beating against her skin and it was incredibly soothing. Being in his arms was the closest she had felt to peace this entire week. His embrace reminded her that the pain was worth it and she had something special to look forward to. Her reward for sacrificing her dream was realizing an even bigger one: holding onto the man she loved and having his everlasting love.

When Delilah finally stopped shaking, Spencer gently tilted her head up so they could meet each other's gaze. As she matched one chocolate brown gaze for another, she felt herself getting lost in the dark, warm depths of his eyes. They were so warm and comforting and she almost felt better looking into them. He leaned forward and gently kissed her on the lips. She returned the kiss, loving the taste of coffee and mint, a flavor combination that was so quintessentially Spencer. She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair, loving the softness, and the proof that he was actually here and this wasn't just a dream.

"That must have been some dream, Dee Dee. Would you like to talk about it?" Spencer asked, the buttery warmness of his voice washing over her.

As much as Delilah didn't want to talk about it, she knew if she didn't share something about her dream he would grow more and more suspicious and that would simply lead to a fight. Instead, she decided to use the basic premis of her dream, but tweek it in such a way that he would never learn the truth.

"I...I was dreaming about a child...a child I couldn't help," Delilah said, her voice cracking with emotion.

"My poor baby, I'm so sorry you had to endure that. I know how much your foster children mean to you and I know how it feels to want to save the world. We may not be able to save everyone, but at least we're able to make a difference in some way."

Delilah simply nodded and Spencer placed his hand on her forehead, which was heating up. He looked at her with concern and had her lay back on the bed.

"You're burning up, Delilah. Have you been sick all week?" he asked, remembering their conversation the week prior.

Delilah nodded and Spencer went into the restroom. He returned moments later with Tylenol and a glass of water. She mumbled a thank you and dutifully swallowed the pills.

"What did Dr. Johnson say? Do you just have the flu?" he asked, referring to her primary physician. Delilah hadn't wanted to see her out of fear that someone in the office might call Spencer and tell him what she was doing. She knew Hippa was in place to prevent such an occurance, but she couldn't be too careful.

Delilah nodded as she swallowed her pills. When her mouth was finally empty she spoke again. "She said something was going around and I was just one of the lucky ones to catch it. Some of the other ladies at the office have been ill as well, so at least I'm not the only one. This is some homecoming isn't it? I have been looking forward to seeing you all week and now that you're here, I'm sick. I'm sorry; at least let me make you dinner."

Delilah climbed out of bed, but once again the dizziness took over. She wobbled and almost fell to the floor, but thankfully Spencer caught her in time. Over her protests, he placed her back into bed.

"Spencer, really, I am fine. I think getting out of bed will do me some good and besides, I know how much you enjoy my cooking."

"Your cooking is sublime, but you are ill and need your rest. Besides," Spencer continued, an adorable smile on his face, "if you stay in bed I can give you your present."

"My present? Oh, Spencer, honey, you don't need to give me a present. Having you home safe is present enough."

"I know that Dee Dee and I love how adorably unspoiled you are, but please, won't you let me corrupt you at least a little bit?"

"I think you already have," Delilah replied, the corners of her mouth twitching into something that could be identified as a smile.

Spencer winked at her and handed her a small, beautifully wrapped box. Delilah carefully unwrapped her unexpected gift, curious about what he had given her. All her life she was used to giving, giving, giving that it was completely foreign to her to have someone give something to her for a change. She remembered the first gift Spencer had ever given her. When they were first getting to know each other she told him how much she loved butterflies.

When her parents would take her and Maggie hiking, one of their favorite pasttimes was catching butterflies. She told him whenever she saw a butterfly, she was reminded of a simpler, happier time in her life. After the unsubs were captured and she was released from police custody, Spencer presented her with a small, beautifully wrapped square box. When she opened it, she found the prettiest charm bracelet she had ever seen. It was white gold and had two beautiful butterfly charms on them.

Delilah was bowled over by the gift, shocked and touched beyond measure. Spencer gently lifted the bracelet from its holder and placed it on her wrist. As Delilah struggled to regain her vision through a sea of tears, Spencer spoke about how butterflies presented rebirth and new beginnings and how he would like to have a new beginning with her. They were married nine months later and on special occassions Spencer would bestow a new charm upon her. It had been awhile since he had given her another charm.

With the wrapping paper cast aside, she opened the tiny jewelry box and her breath was taken away by its contents. Nestled securely in folds of white satin was yet another butterfly charm. The first two were pink and blue, but this one was white with little crystals on it. He gently raised her wrist and added the charm to her collection.

"Oh, Spencer, it's beautiful," Delilah said, her eyes brimming with tears.

"I would like this butterfly to represent a new beginning for us," Spencer said, gently wiping the tears from her eyes. "I know we have hit a rough patch lately, but I want you to know that despite everything, I love you more today than I did the day I married you and I thought nothing could surpass that. I'm sorry for being such an ass and treating you so poorly. Will you accept my apology?"

"O...of course I will, Spence. I love you," Delilah said, once she was able to speak. As painful as this week had been, hearing Spencer declare his love for her made life bearable again. Her actions had been worth it and they could now put everything behind them.

Spencer hugged her close and gently stroked her hair, kissing the top of her head. Delilah held onto him for all she was worth and they remained in their embrace for the longest time. Spencer slowly pulled away, running his fingers through her hair.

"I was thinking we could order in tonight. What would you like?" he asked.

"Surprise me," Delilah said, running her fingers through his hair.

She still wasn't hungry, but didn't want to spoil the mood. Besides, she hadn't eaten in a week and she knew it was imperative for her health to have sustinence. Her baby was gone and it hurt, but she had her husband and a new start to their marriage. She couldn't enjoy those things if she was sick. She back back into the mattress and watched as Spencer picked up the phone to place their carry-out order.


	6. Chapter 6 Spencer's Discovery

Chapter Six

It was the next day and Spencer was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking his third cup of coffee. Ordinarily he savored every sugar ladden drop and couldn't wait to make his next pot, but this morning he could hardly taste it. There was something seriously wrong with his wife, something no amount of charms could begin to fix. He sat quietly, letting what little he knew replay in his mind.

Spencer ordered dinner from a family restaurant just around the corner. Delilah insisted he order from his favorite Indian place, but he demurred, knowing she didn't particularly care for Indian food. That was just Delilah's way; she was always so considerate of other people's desires and never gave her own a second thought. As much as he loved that about her, it could also be frustrating at times. It bothered him the woman he loved was such a doormat.

More than anything he wanted her to realize that her wishes and desires mattered, too. He lowered his coffee mug and frowned, realizing that he was partially responsible for his wife's behavior. Delilah was so sweet, so loving and so giving. She was always there for him and always so supportive of his life, career, and interests. And yet, he couldn't bring himself to give her the one thing she so desparately wanted.

Spencer frowned as downed the last of his coffee, not even tasting the liquid as it moved from his mouth and down his throat. From the beginning of their relationship he knew how important it was for Delilah to have a family of her own. The loss of her parents had destroyed the only normalcy she had ever known and her grandparents' health crippled her life with uncertainty. She lived in constant fear of losing Maggie, knowing if anyone ever discovered the truth about her homelife they would end up in foster care and get torn apart.

As much as Spencer adored his wife, he couldn't get past his own fears about having a family. The pain of his father's abandonment ran deep. He had never been able to truly forgive William for abandoning him and his mother. As much as Diana loved her son, her disease still held the potential to render her dangerous. If she had ever gone into a psychotic state, there was nothing Spencer could have done to stop her or defend himself.

Even though that never happened, the uncertainty of his life left him a state of anxiety and fear. He held other people at arms' length, fearing if they knew the truth about his homelife they would run in the opposite direction. In fact, many had. His relationships with Lila and Austin fell apart because they couldn't come to terms with this family life. They both came from normal, loving households and simply didn't want to burden themselves with his drama.

Spencer didn't hate children. He was uncomfortable around them, and them of him, but he had nothing against them. He was just afraid of turning into his father. He had to believe that William had loved him and Diana once. And yet, that love hadn't been enough to hold their family together. Spencer was afraid that would happen to him one day and he couldn't bear the thought of abandoning Delilah and their child.

Despite his fear, something inside of Spencer began to change. It started six months ago, when they had their pregnancy. He had been terrified, unable to eat or sleep or concentrate on anything until the test results came back. When Dr. Johnson said she wasn't pregnanct, Spencer felt tremendous relief. In that moment he felt as if he could run a marathon and still have the energy to tapdance on his roof.

His euphoria disappeared the moment he saw his wife's face. The look of stark, naked, crippling pain on her face tore a hole in his heart. Delilah was usually stoic, in control of her emotions. That day in the doctor's office, however, she couldn't hold in her emotions. The image of his wife bowing her head as tears silently streamed down her face was burned deep into his mind.

It was then that he realized he couldn't ignore his wife's desires any longer. As much as he feared having a family, his guilt over hurting his wife weighed on him even more. He wanted his wife to be happy and he knew what he had to do to ensure her happiness. Over the past six months he had underwent an emotional, soul searching journey. He wanted to bring himself to a place where he could make her dreams come true and feel comfortable with the change that would bring to his life.

Without his wife's knowledge, Spencer decided to see a therapist. He knew he needed to conquer his demons and this was the time to do it. Dr. Fletcher was a godsend and Spencer made tremendous progress with her. After about four months of intensive therapy, Spencer felt that he was reaching a place where he could feel comfortable being a father. Before he made this announcement to his wife, however, he had one last thing he needed to take care of.

Spencer loved his job and knew Delilah was proud of him, but the long hours and time away from home added to the wedge that was building between them. He knew that if they were going to have a successful family life he would need to modify his work schedule. About a month ago he asked Hotch if he could take a teaching position that had become available. He would still remain with the FBI, but would have a work schedule more condusive to family life. He knew how much this would mean to Delilah and couldn't wait to tell her. For once, her wish would be granted instead of her going through life granting them.

Spencer rose from his seat and walked towards the sink. As he washed his mug and coffee pot, he reflected on his wife and the trouble events from the last twenty-four hours. His wife had been sick over the years, but never anything major. Delilah was usually the picture of health, strong, stoic, never one to succumb to pain. It was strange and scary to see her as ill as she had been.

She tried to eat her dinner, but she only ate a few bites before she was rushing to the bathroom. All he could do was gently rub her back and offer comfort as she gripped the toilet for dear life. For the rest of the evening she raced from the bedroom to the bathroom, alternating between bouts of vomitting and diarrhea. She had difficulty navigating her way back and forth due to her dizziness, so Spencer was right by her side to help her. Her abdominal pain was still present, as were her chills, so Spencer warmed up the heating pad for her and also gave her an electric blanket.

At about one o'clock in the morning, Delilah couldn't handle laying in the hot bed any longer and wound curling into a ball on the bathroom floor. The cool tile gave her some comfort, but Spencer hated seeing her on the floor like a dog. He remained in the restroom with her as much as possible, leaving only to get her glasses of water or when she used the toilet. Delilah finally passed out around three o'clock with Spencer right beside her. When he happened to wake up around eight o'clock, he realized she wasn't there.

He searched all over the house and finally found her in the backyard. He stood quietly at the gate as observed her kneeling beside the rose bushes. She appeared to be talking to them, which wasn't anything new because she often did talk to her plants. She claimed it gave them encouragement and helped them grow, but this time it was different. As he watched her, she appeared to be crying.

She was resting her hand on one particular spot, which appeared to have been freshly dug up. She whispered and cried for about an hour before planting a kiss on the freshly dug soil. As Delilah rose to her feet, Spencer shrunk back, sensing she wouldn't want to know she was being watched. She was uncomfortable expressing emotions anyway and he knew this would mortify her. As she walked away, she looked back at the garden, longing, grief, and pain etched deeply on her face.

He hurried back inside and positioned himself in front of the coffee maker, trying to look as innocent as possible. Delilah barely acknowledged him as she slowly inched her way upstairs. She returned a few minutes later, clad in a dark denim skirt and black quarter length shirt. She mumbled something about having to run errends and planted a kiss on his temper before leaving. Her kisses were usually so loving and tender, but this one appeared lifeless, as if her soul had been sucked out of her body.

Spencer dried the dishes and placed them in their proper place. Something wasn't right and he was determined to figure out what it was. Since he knew Delilah had a tendency to downplay anything less than pleasant, he decided to uncover the truth himself. He walked over to the phone and dialed. After a few rings, he was rewarded with a voice on the other end.

"Dr. Johnson's office, Mandy speaking, how may I help you?" a cheerful yet professional voice said on the other end of the phone.

"Hey Mandy, it's Spencer, how are you?"

"I'm doing well, thanks, how are you? It's been a while since we've seen you"

"Yes, yes, it has," Spencer agreed. "listen, Mandy, my wife had an appointment with Dr. Johnson last week and she still isn't feeling well. Is there any way you could call in a refill of her medication?" Spencer knew he would know what was wrong with her once he knew what she was being prescribed.

"Umm, I'm sorry Spencer, but Delilah wasn't in our office last week. She hasn't been here since her physical two months ago."

"Are you sure, Mandy? Delilah said she went to the doctor last week and Dr. Johnson is her only physician."

"Yes Spencer, I am absolutely sure," Mandy replied.

"Oh well, thank you anyway Mandy."

Spencer hung up the phone and frowned as he let Mandy's words sink in. Why had Delilah lied to him? If she hadn't seen Dr. Johnson, where was she when he called her? His wife was obviously ill; there was no way she was faking her symptoms. On a hunch, he dialed another number into the phone. After a few rings, there was an answer.

"Arlington Family Services, Georgette speaking, how may I place your call?"

"Hi, Georgette, it's Spencer, how are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you, how are you? How is Delilah?"

"She's feeling a little under the weather. She said she must have gotten sick from someone at work. Speaking of which, has she been to work at all this week?"

"No, Spencer she hasn't. She called Susan last week and asked for the following week off. Susan thought that was unusual since Delilah never asks for time off and she isn't the type to ask last minute. I've called her a few times, but she hasn't called me back. What's going exactly? What's wrong with her?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out, Georgette. Thank you for your help."

"There's no need to thank me. We love Delilah; she's so kind and giving and so generous with her time and love. We just want to be there for her."

Spencer mumbled a goodbye and hung up. He knew his wife had seen a doctor, of that much he was certain. He just needed to figure out which one and why she hadn't seen Dr. Johnson. He walked upstairs and entered the bedroom. He sat in front of the computer and turned it on.

Within moments it was up and running and he began his search. He may not have the computer savvy the BAU's technological goddess possessed, but he knew how to search the computer's search history. It wasn't long until the website for Planned Parenthood appeared and he devoured, wondering why his wife would go there and if her recent visit had anything to do with her illness. When he finally stumbled upon the page for medication abortion, he felt his heart and stomach fall to the floor. He read, horrified, as every one of his wife's symptoms appeared on the page.

He finally shut the computer off, unable to read another word. He sat back in his chair, letting the revelation sink in. He couldn't believe that his warm, loving, forthcoming wife could do such a thing and not tell him. As painful as it was to lose their baby, his wife's inability to confide in him hurt even more. He knew most men would be angry and most likely never want to speak to their wive's again after learning such a thing.

However, he could only feel overwhelming sadness and shame. He knew his actions, particularly those of the last six months, had precipitated his wife's hasty actions. There wasn't a moment that went by where he didn't chastize himself for the way he treated her. If he could be granted only one wish, it would be to redo that entire day. If he could do it over again, he could hug Delilah close and tell her he was willing to rethink his position on having a family.

As the events of the last few months flew through his mind, a chill suddenly came over him. Before he fully realized what he was doing, he was racing down the stairs, taking them three at a time. In record speed he was in the backyard, kneeling in front his his wife's painsakingly, lovingly planted and preened rosebushes. His hands dove into the soil and it wasn't long until he found what he was looking for. He pulled his wife's makeup box out of the ground, his hands shaking as he clung to his new discovery.

He carried it into the house and walked towards the living room. As his feet carried him, his mind was a mass of contradictions. On one hand, he needed to open the box and verify his theory. On the other, his feet seemed nailed to the floor, his mind trying to protect him from the excrutiating pain this discovery would bring. As much as he wanted and needed answers, he craved the protection of ignorance.

Eventually, he found his way to the sofa and sat down. Slowly, carefully, he lifted the lid from the box, knowing fully the contents of the box and cursing his brain for the ability to make such a deduction. Finally the lid was off and forced himself to look inside. When he saw the contents hidden inside, every emotion he tried to sequester overflowed. The box slipped from his hands and a sound came from Spencer that he had never heard before in his life.

The noise thta burst from his lips was a combination of an animal going through a meat grinder and a bear just before an attack. Spencer held his head in his hands, allowing the jumbled amounts to bubble forth. After the final cry escaped his lips and his head ceased spinning enough to where he could safely stand, he rose to his feet, giving himself a moment to steady himself. As if in a trance, Spencer walked towards the door, grabbing his keys and thrusting his wallet into his pocket.

Although it was too late to save their baby, perhaps he still had a chance to salvage his marriage and have the family he and his wife so desparately wanted. He ran to his car and climbed inside, knowing the first step was being there for Delilah. He may have failed her before, but he wasn't going to fail he now. She was going through hell and he didn't want her suffering alone. He backed out of te driveway and sped off, praying he wasn't too late.


	7. Chapter 7 Crossroads

Chapter Seven

As Spencer was putting his FBI skills to use, Delilah was in the exam room at Planned Parenthood. She was laying on the exam table, clad in a paper gown, silent as Dr. Barrows examined her. She had already supplied a urine sample and Angela took her vital signs and blood. As they awaited the results from her blood test, Dr. Barrows examined her.

"Delilah, did you take the antibiotics I prescribed you last week?" she asked.

"No," Delilah murmured, her eyes downcast.

"Why not? The antibiotics woud have alievated your symptoms. You cannot possibly be comfortable in this condition."

"I'll manage," Delilah mumbled, not really caring about her health.

Dr. Barrows merely nodded and turned on the ultrasound machine. She lifted Delilah's gown and spread the familiar, cold gel onto her flatened tummy. Delilah's eyes filled with tears, knowing this was the last time she would ever have an ultrasound again. She tried to console herself with the knowledge that she at least had her child's remains, which as far as she was concerned was more than she deserved. She turned her head to the side and closed her eyes as Dr. Barrows moved the wand around her tummy.

As quickly as the ultrasound began, however, it stopped. Delilah opened her eyes slightly and looked at Dr. Barrows, who looked completely dumbfounded.

"Dr. Barrows, what's wrong? Why did you stop?" Delilah asked nervously.

At first Dr. Barrows didn't say anything. Instead, she stared intently at the screen, moving the wand again, scouring every inch of Delilah's abdominal cavity. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Barrows completed the ultrasound, just as Angela slipped into the room with her lab results. Angela handed them to Dr. Barrows and quietly slipped out of the room. Dr. Barrows read the results carefully before shutting the folder and sitting down. Delilah slowly sat up, wiping the gel from her stomach as Dr. Barrows spoke.

"Delilah, it appears as if you are still pregnant," Dr. Barrows said, trying to mask her disbelief. It was exeedingly rare for the abortion pill not to work. It worked 97 out of 100 abortions and this appeared to be one of the three that didn't take hold.

"H...how is that possible?" Delilah asked, looking as shocked on the outside as the doctor felt inside.

"It is exceptionally rare for the abortion pill not to work. In this instance we would need to perform an aspiration abortion, since if you were to continue with this pregnancy there could possibly be tremendous damage done to the fetus from the medications used."

"How soon can we perform the aspiration?" Delilah asked, horrified she had to undergo this process all over again. She was especially afraid of the aspiration process, since the idea of equipment being used was so much more terrifying and invasive.

"Under normal circumstances we could do it right away, but you are still very sick and I don't want there to be any further complications. I would like to schedule the proceedure within the next week or two, when you are feeling better."

Delilah knew she would never feel "better" again, but she nodded to Dr. Barrows and promised to schedule her appointment. Once their appointment was complete, Dr. Barrows gave her another prescription for more antibiotics and she made an appointment at the front desk before leaving. Delilah dragged herself to her car and climbed inside, slumping down into her seat. She didn't know how or where she would find the courage to go through with another abortion, but she knew there was no other option.

Not only would the continuation of the pregnancy cost her her marriage, but she didn't know what condition the child would be in. There was no way in good conscience she could bring a sickly baby into this world just for it to die shortly after birth or face a lifetime of hardship because of her choices. She sat up, wiping the tears from her eyes. She knew she had to go home at some point, and now was as good of a time as any. She didn't know how she would survive the next week, but for Spencer's sake she had to try.

As Delilah pulled out of the parking lot, she had no way of knowing that as she was leaving, her very upset, very concerned husband was just pulling in.


	8. Chapter 8 Finally Out in the Open

Chapter Eight

It was nightfall when Delilah finally came home. After leaving the clinic, she wasn't ready to return home, so she just drove around aimlessly until she was too tired to keep her eyes open. She pulled into the driveway and parked the car, wanting nothing more that a hot shower and to go to sleep. If she had it her way she would never wake up again. She slowly approached the front door and opened it.

The house was pitch black, which surprised Delilah a bit since Spencer typically didn't go to bed early. She hung her keys on one of the hooks near the door and closed the door behind her. She walked up the stairs, slowly inching her way up, as if she were being led to an execution chamber. She prayed Spencer was asleep because she didn't know how she was going to face him. This next week was going to be hell on earth and she didn't know how she was going to survive.

As Delilah approached the bedroom, she noticed the door was slightly cracked and a light was on. She hoped Spencer was in bed reading again, since he tended to tune out the rest of the world while engrossed in literature. After taking a deep breath, she opened the door and was shocked at the sight before her. She found Spencer sitting on the edge of the bed, his head lowered, as if lost in his own little world. When he heard her footsteps, he looked up and the look on his face took Delilah's breath away.

Heartache and agony was deeply etched onto his beautiful face, his eyes so full of sorrow it pained Delilah to look at them. As she opened her mouth to ask what was wrong, she immediately answered her own question. In his hands he was holding her former makeup box, which was supposed to be the resting place for their unborn child. She looked from the box to Spencer, the ability to speak completely evaporated from her body.

"How could you, Delilah? How could you abort our child and not discuss it with me first?" Spencer asked, his voice choked with emotion.

Delilah remained frozen at the door, still unable to move or speak. Spencer set the box on the bed and approached her. As painful as it was to look at him from a distance, seeing her husband's pain up close was even more unbearable. She downcast her eyes, unable to look at him. It wasn't long until she felt Spencer's warm hand on her face.

He used his thumb and first two fingers to tilt her head upward, leaving her no other choice than to look at him. When their eyes did meet, Delilah wished the earth would swallow her whole so she would no longer have to live with the fact she had caused her husband so much pain. Everything she had done this past week was to protect him and now she realized it was all for nothing. Tears streamed down her face, knowing how much Spencer must hate her and that she deserved it.

"Why didn't you come to me, Delilah? Why did you insist on going through this all alone? Why didn't you trust me enough to confide in me?" he asked, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"It's not that I didn't trust you, Spencer. I...I was afraid. I know we've been on shaky ground lately and I was afraid this...revelation might push us over the edge. I love you. I don't want to lose you."

"Delilah, did you really think I would divorce you for carrying our child?"

"You made it abundently clear before we were married that you didn't want children and your behavior in Dr. Johnson's office reaffirmed that position. Spencer, you were about to start dancing down the hallway when she told us I wasn't pregnant."

"Alright, I'll admit I wasn't as supportive as I should have been during that time..."

"_During that time_? Try the last six months. Spencer, you're home even less than you were before, you scarcely call when you _are _away, and the few times we've made love you act as if you cannot wait to get away from me. If that is how you acted following a pregnancy scare, how was I supposed to think you would react to an actual pregnancy?"

Spencer's head dropped as if someone had slapped it forward. The pain was intense and all consumming. He loved his wife with all his heart and the fact that he caused her such pain was inexcusable. He was devastated by the loss of their unborn baby, but even more stricken that she felt as if she had to go through that trauma alone. He could only imagine how she was feeling and it was all because of him.

"Delilah, I am so sorry for all of the pain I have caused you. It was incredibly insensitive of me to react the way I did and I will never forgive myself. Believe me when I say that seeing the look of dispair on your face was the worst moment in my entire life. I would gladly withstand the torture Charles Hankle thrust upon me ten times over if it meant I could have a chance to redo that morning in the doctor's office."

Delilah said nothing, so Spencer led her back to the bed. He set the box off to the side and took both of her hands in his.

"Delilah, that moment opened my eyes and made me realize that I had to re-evaluate my priorities and what really matters. I knew I couldn't disregard your wishes any longer and that I needed to bring myself to a place where I could give you what you want and be okay with that. I...I have been seeing a therapist for about six months and I think I have made real progress with her."

Delilah said nothing, letting this new information sink in. She had no idea Spencer was seeing a therapist: the last time he saw one was after being kidnapped by Charles/Tobias Hankle and even then he didn't reveal too much of what had happened. Spencer wasn't exactly a supporter of therapy, so hearing that he had sought professional help was staggering to her.

"I know I should have told you about this sooner, but I want to have my issues resolved first. I realize now that was a mistake because I could have saved you a lot of pain."

"Spencer...what are you saying?" Delilah asked, shocked at what she was hearing. There was no possible way he was saying what she thought he was saying.

"I'm saying I would feel comfortable having a family with you. I wish with all my heart I would have felt this way sooner so we could have prevented this fiasco, but we can start over. I'm not expecting you to want to get pregnant again so soon after what you've been through, but when you have recovered and feel comfortable..."

Spencer looked at her and saw that she was crying. As the tears streamed down her face, she rested a hand on her stomach. Spencer pulled her into his arms, holding her as she cried. He wished he could trade places with her: seeing his wife suffer was the worst feeling in the world.

"It's alright, Dee Dee, let it out, let it all out," Spencer cooed, gently rubbing her back.

"No, Spencer, you don't understand," Delilah replied, sitting up as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

Spencer gave her a quizical look so she continued. "Spencer, I...I'm still pregnant," she whispered, unable to look at him.

"W...what...you're...how...?" Spencer asked, looking bewildered. For once someone had stumped the genius.

"I...had a medication abortion last week, which is why I have been so sick. I went to the clinic today to have an ultrasound to confirm...well, the medication didn't work so I am still pregnant."

The look on Spencer's face was indescribable, so Delilah continued speaking. "Medication abortions are effective 97 out of 100 abortions, so this was just one of the three that didn't take. Dr. Barrows suggested I have the aspiration abortion as quickly as possible since damage has most likely been caused to the fetus already, so..."

Spencer raised a hand to silence her. "Delilah, do you want this baby?"

Delilah opened her mouth to protest so Spencer raised his hand again, wanting her to remain silent until she said what she wanted, as opposed to what the "right" answer was. Delilah bit her bottom lip and nodded. No matter what the risk, no matter what might be wrong with the baby, she still wanted it. It didn't matter to her if this baby had three heads and a tail: this baby was hers and she wanted it.

"I want this baby too, Dee Dee," Spencer replied, cradling her face in his hands, wiping her tears away with his thumbs.

"Spencer, I...I went behind your back and tried to kill our baby. How can you be so forgiving?" Delilah asked, total shock on her face.

"It's because I love you," Spencer said, shrugging his shoulders. "besides, I'm not entirely innocent in this situation. For being a profiler, I haven't exactly been the most effective communicator these last few months."

Spencer and Delilah laughed softly, relieved that they could finally feel something besides angst for a change. Delilah looked over at the bed and noticed her makeup box, which thankfully did not hold the remains of Baby Reid.

"What are we going to do with that?" Delilah asked.

"I think we should rebury it," Spencer replied, taking the box into his hands. "it'll serve as a reminder to both of us the importance of communcation and trust, as well as new beginnings."

"I think that's a wonderful idea," Delilah agreed.

Spencer and Delilah rose from the bed, handing in hand as they walked down the stairs. Although they both knew they had a long night of talking in front of them, for now they were content with the silence. They walked out of the kitchen door and into the backyard, intent on creating their matrimonial memorial.


	9. Chapter 9 Epilogue

Epilogue

(Spring 2021.)

"Isla Rosemary Reid, please get off your brother's head!"

Delilah shook her head, trying not to laugh as she watched her adorably rough and tumble four and a half year old climb off of her brother. As much as those two fought, they were also surprisingly close. Delilah sat back and laughed, watching as her youngest child toddled towards the older children and pushed them to the ground, causing the chaos once again. Five years ago she would have never dared to hope this was possible. It was amazing to think of the events that has transpired in that short period of time.

After having a long heart to heart conversation with each other, Spencer and Delilah decided it was in the best interest of their marriage to seek couple's therapy. Dr. Fletcher recommended a wonderful marriage counselor and even offered to provide separate counseling for Delilah as well. Spencer and Delilah continued their therapy for over a year and it was the best thing that ever happened to them. Well, other than their three energetic, naughty, adorable children of course.

Delilah's first pregnancy was an exciting, yet nerve racking event. They didn't know what, if any, damage the fetus had sustained from the medication Delilah had taken, so the next couple of months were wrought with nervous anticipation. Although all the ultrasounds and amniocentesis came back normal, the couple wouldn't breathe a sigh of relief until their baby was born.

Isla Rosemary Reid was born three weeks early on December 24, 2016. Delilah's OB, Dr. Sarver, decided to induce labor since Delilah was developing pre eclampsia. Despite the drama surrounding the pregnancy and delivery, which wound up being an emergency cesarean section, all the stress and worrying was well worth it when their daughter was placed in their arms. Isla looked exactly like the child Delilah envisioned in her dreams, albeit much healthier.

Isla was a perfect combination of her parents: she had Delilah's copper hair and freckles and her parents' pale skin. Her eyes were large and round like Delilah's, but the coloring and expression was all Spencer. Delilah and Spencer both had brown eyes, but Spencer's had a depth and warmth to them that Delilah's didn't. Isla was their miracle baby, in more ways than one. Despite the medication Delilah took, Isla was perfectly healthy and developementally normal.

At four and a half, she was the light of her parents' lives and the greatest possible fun. From the moment she could walk, she was a tomboy, shunning Barbie Dolls in favor of mud puddles and GI Joes. Nothing made her happier than to plop herself into an enormous mud puddle and make herself as muddy and filthy as possible, much to feminine Deliah's mock chagrin. Her daughter may have been her polar opposite in every possible way, but Delilah adored her. She couldn't imagine life getting any better until Spencer suggested having a second baby.

Considering what they had been through to have Isla, Spencer's request came as a bit of a surprise to Delilah. She was all too happy to comply, however, and Zane Paxton Reid was born on October 31, 2018. Baby Zane, or "Zaney" as he was known, was the perfect addition to their family, and ideal playmate for Isla. Zaney was just as rough and tumble as his sister and their relationship went from one extreme to another.

One moment they were contentedly sharing GI Joe's and building mud castles side by side: the next Zane was hitting Isla with a GI Joe as she shoved his face into the mud. They were quite a pair, and an endless source of amusement for both their parents. Just when Spencer and Delilah thought their lives couldn't get anymore exciting, a third baby Reid entered their lives.

Phoebe Alexandra Reid was born May 29, 2020 and was the perfect addition to the Reid household. Although she was spritely and spunky like her siblings, she was also soft, cuddly, and incredibly affectionate. Quickly dubbed "snuggle buddy" by both parents, she was quite content to sit on either Mommy or Daddy's lap and soak up their love and attention. Delilah joked that Isla and Zane's personalities were pulled somewhere from the stratesphere, but Phoebe was a mini Delilah. Like her mother, "Phoes" was soft, sweet, and feminine, already a doll fanatic at her age. Isla was a perfect combination of both parents, Zane looked just like his Daddy, and Phoes looked exactly like her mother.

"Uh-oh, I sure hope my babies are behaving themselves because only good children get to have birthday cake," Spencer joked, entering the dining room with the cake in hand. It was a lovely pink, floral confection, ladden down with enough sugar to keep the Reid children awake for a long, long time.

"We good, we good!" Zane shouted, running towards his Daddy.

"We are perfect angels," Isla assured him, hot on her brother's heels.

"I'm sure you are," Spencer said with a laugh, setting the cake on the table and gathering his "angels" into his arms.

Phoebe raised her arms expectantly into the air and Delilah happily gathered her into her arms. She kissed the birthday girl on her adorably chubby cheek and walked towards the table. Isla and Zane wiggled excitedly in Spencer's arms, eager for their sister to blow out her candle so they could have a sugar overload. Spencer smiled at the birthday girl and kissed her cheek as her playfully rumpled her curly hair.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart," he said to her.

Phoebe cooed and happily babbled to him, shoving her hand into her mouth. Both parents laughed and Delilah looked at her husband affectionately.

"Where is my kiss?" she teased.

"Is it your birthday?" Spencer joked back.

Delilah feigned a look of offense, which didn't last long since Spencer's lips immedately descended upon hers. She relished the kiss, losing herself in his embrace. As happy as their marriage had been before, the addition of the children had made things so much better. The act of childrearing was so incredibly intimate and added a layer of intimacy and bonding they hadn't thought possible. They didn't think it was possible, but they found themselves falling more and more in love with each other every day.

Spencer relished his job as FBI instructor. He taught classes in Victimology and Criminology. Although he hadn't been much of a public speaker at first, in time he became more and more comfortable with the position. The best part about his job, other than the raise in salary, was his new work schedule. He didn't have to leave town for days on end anymore, unless he accepted the occassional public speaking engagement, and he was home at a reasonable time.

For Spencer, there was nothing better than coming home and having Isla and Zane rushing towards him, competing to see who would reach him first and claim the leg of their choosing. As the two older children grasped his legs for all they were worth, Phoebe would come crawling or toddling behind, with Delilah holding her by the hands. After kiss his wife, he would scoop all three children into his arms and ask about their day. The late afternoon/early evening portion of the day was always the most hectic, but definately the most fun.

After dinner, the happy family of five would play some games before it was time for bed. Delilah would stay behind and tidy up the kitchen, which left Spencer with bath duty. Spencer loved that part of the day, since it gave him alone time with the children. After giving them their bathes and dressing them in their nightclothes, he would read them a bedtime story before tucking them into their beds. Once the children were drifting off to dreamland, he would sneak downstairs to spend time with his wonderful wife.

Delilah fully intended to return to work after Isla was born, at least part time. However, when her maternity leave was over four months later, she just couldn't bear the thought of strangers raising her precious baby. She and Spencer didn't really have to discuss the idea of her being a stay at home mother for very long: it was such a natural decision to make. Delilah loved being home with the children, who gave her so much joy. She smiled over at Spencer, who was trying to keep Isla from mutilating Phoebe's cake.

After singing Happy Birthday, they blew out Phoebe's candle and proceeded to cut pieces of cake for the children. As the happy family sat down to enjoy the sugary confection, as we as French Vanilla ice cream, Delilah rested her hand on Spencer's.

"Can you believe how quickly time has flown by? It seems like only yesterday Isla was born, and now here we are, five years later with two more children."

"I know what you mean, Dee Dee. The years have gone by much too quickly," Spencer agreed, helping Zane with his cake.

"It seems hard to believe Phoes is already a year old," Delilah mused, helping the birthday girl with her treat.

"Or that Isla is starting school this year," Spencer replied, finding it hard to believe that his sweet little angel was already a kindergartner. As proud as he was of his firstborn and her accomplishments, he didn't like the idea of her growing up too quickly.

"I'm just happy Zane is showing an interest in potty training," Delilah joked, pressing a kiss on her son's head. Zane didn't seem to notice, much too enthralled with his cake to care about something as unimportant as maternal affection.

Both parents shared a laugh and tucked into their cake, enjoying the comfortable silence. Finally, Spencer was the one to break the silence.

"Dee Dee, how would you feel about having one more child?" he asked, his warm brown eyes casting a loving glow over her.

"Oh my goodness, I can't believe it," Delilah said with a giggle. "the man who five years ago wanted absolutely nothing to do with children all of a sudden has baby fever."

"Yes well, in my defense if I had known how amazing they are I would have agreed to it sooner," Spencer said, his cheeks turning an adorable shade of red.

"Well then sweetie, I think this is a good time to share my news with you: I'm pregnant," Delilah said, her eyes twinkling with excitement.

"Y...your...really?" Spencer asked, his gorgeous face breaking out into an adorably sexy smile.

Delilah nodded, walking over to her husband and wrapping her arms around him. He pulled her onto his lap and ran his fingers through her hair.

"I didn't even suspect anything until Dr. Johnson told me today during my physical," Delilah said, in between receiving passionate kisses from her husband. "she felt something during the exam and ordered bloodwork. I was surprised of course, since I thought Phoes was our last child, but I'm nontheless pleased. Four is such a nice, even number. Who knows-we may even give our Zaney a brother to play with."

"Brother, sister, it doesn't make a difference to me. I'm just so happy," Spencer said, kissing her again.

"Eww! Mommy and Daddy kissing!" Isla squeeled, covering her face in a dramatic fashion.

"Aww, I'm sorry: am I emotionally scarring you by showing affection to your mommy?" Spencer teased.

"Yes!" Isla exclaimed, not knowing what her father meant exactly, but wanting to respond nontheless.

"'Motley scahring!" Zane chimed in, his mouth filled to the brim with food.

"Zane Paxton, please don't shove so much food into your mouth," Spencer said, worried his son might choke.

Zane immediately spit his food onto his plate, causing a deafening 'EWWWWW!' to burst from his older sister's mouth. Zane promptly glared at her and threw the chewed contents in her direction, causing Isla to rip a handful of cake out of mostly intact treat sitting innocently on the table. As the children flung pink biuttercream and vanilla goodness at each other, their parents exchanged glances.

"Are you sure you want another one?" Delilah asked.

"Absolutely my love: as long as our baby is happy and healthy and...you _are _certain we are only having one, correct?"

"I won't be certain of anything until the first ultrasound, but Dr. Johnson didn't see anything abnormal in my bloodwork," Delilah said, giggling at the panic in her husband's eyes.

Spencer grinned and they finally decided to step in and put a stop to their childrens' confectionary foodfight. As they wiped the icing from their childrens' faces and hid the rest of the cake from their little warriors' sight, they couldn't imagine life getting any better than it was at that moment.

**Author's Note: Life did become better for the Reids when their son Jason Spencer Reid entered the world on December 20, 2021. Now the proud, ecstastic parents of four healthy, beautiful children, the Reids decided that four was definately enough.

~Fin~


End file.
